grouped letters... (i.e. words)

what do we know, actually, besides what's contained on our piece of the world-puzzle?
the answer is: nothing. our knowledge is the size of our piece, we don't know, we can't know anything more than that.
but sometimes you'd want to know about things that go farther than the reach of your piece. you'd want to know what a loved person thinks, more detailed than he or she could ever describe, or what they have experienced in their lives. well, you can never get the whole picture, never know anything completely, except perhaps about yourself.
why? hm, because even if someone wants to tell you about everything they've experienced, everything they think about, they are either limited by language, which sometimes doesn't permit the speaker to say the things as he really wants to, or they leave out some details, which they think are too unimportant to be mentioned or simply have forgotten, but which are, nevertheless, the things you'd need the most.
however, i'd think that it really is for the better that we never get insights like this in another person, even if we think it would allow us to know someone as well as ourselves. it's enough to be troubled by only ourselves, we don't need difficulty in telling who of us is who. which could happen if we knew the other one as we know ourselves. a loss of our own identity...
and wouldn't it be boring if the other one could never surprise us anymore?
you feel me?

technology...

i'm soory but there won't be any posts for a while now, 'cause i'm having problems with my internet access, among several other things. i'll try to get back online as soon as i can...

water...

men...

and other catastrophes. you may know enough about the whole topic, so you won't need me to chew it all up again. i'm pulling a lazy one... ;)

thoughts...

wow, the definition of my blog. actually it's all about thoughts... ok, and impressions... and i admitted i would bring up anything i want, so i'm free in choice...
i won't start with those things like: where do we come from? where do we go? what is it all about?
there are enough people out there wondering about those questions already.
no, i'll take a different approach...
have you ever noticed that, even if you think you know something completely, that in fact you don't? it's like the world in its whole is a puzzle, and each of us is and at the same time holds one piece. hard to imagine? just take a look at the normal family. you and a cousin know your grandparents, but you probably won't know his. and absolutely not his cousins, nor their grandparents. we're all pieces that fit together some way, but we all only know of the others which sides come to rest with ours, and the other way round...
take a little time and think about it

well...

what if...

what if i'd never met you, the day you saw us on the way to we hadn't known yet?
what if we hadn't come with you and your friends?
what if we'd never had the chance to talk?
what if you hadn't noticed my intelligence?
what if we hadn't come to know each other?
what if we hadn't fallen in love?
what if i'd quit after the first crisis?
what if we hadn't started again?
-
i'd still be lonely.
still cold.
still the one on the fringes.
i'd still have no real life, only going through the motions society expects.
still dream of things i'd never expected to happen.
-
i'd still be without you

pink...

uahh, forgive me for saying this, but i hate pink.
NO, not the singer! she's great! the color! i can't understand why there are women who want every damn thing they own to be pink. bright pink. i mean, it hurts your eyes just to look at them. ok, i'm a woman as well, but in my entire closet, there's only one (!) piece in pink. and i couldn't avoid it, either, 'cause it was part of a three-piece set of shirts i bought.
and what's worse, please excuse my whispering, it looks good on me...
hey, all you ladies in pink out there, what about taking a good look at the other colors that exist? there are so damn beautiful shades of them, how about that? i mean, there's red, blue, green, purple, yellow, and so very many shades in between. please do our eyes a favor and try out some of them, for a change!

my soul

with your coming, my life started

i couldn't believe it was finally me

to whom these things happened

for a short time, you felt like heaven

like my destiny, everything i had ever hoped for,

and more

i was so foolish.

now there's a wound in my soul

so deep, so painful,

wanting to tear me apart

but i can't let it show

and i can't let go...

i refuse to be weak

refuse to give up,

myself, and us

refuse to accept loneliness

you made me forget the feeling

at least for a while

our beautiful summer has come to an end

now starts the rain

i'm cold, wet, shivering...

but in spite of all

you're the warmth

that can make the cold go away

the rain stop

and our summer reappear

-

though the wound will leave a scar

that will never vanish from my soul

pfrr...

sorry, nothing new today, i'm far too lazy to think of anything...

No.5

and now, what a surprise, the fifth language i can speak. no one would have guessed which one it was, would they? ok, actually it's the first foreign language i started to learn, and i must say, i like it. it's not as looping and elaborate as french, more fluid and easier to pronounce than german, and more tranquil than spanish, although it's not as comfortable as bavarian, which, for me, anyway, takes first place in the ranking. but it's a close second.
-
this was......... english!!!!!

No. 4

nun folgt ein kleiner post in deutsch, meiner zweiten muttersprache. ich muss aber fast sagen, dass ich jede andere sprache meiner, zugegeben, kleinen und übersichtlichen tabelle bevorzuge. warum? hmm, wahrscheinlich weil sich alle anderen sprachen, die ich kenne, besser anhören und schreiben lassen. deutsch ist einfach umständlich. und darüber hinaus, extrem kompliziert. mir tun all diejenigen leid, die es sich antun, diese sprache zu erlernen. doch gleichzeitig mein aufrichtiger respekt für die, die durchhalten und dann sogar im täglichen leben etwas verstehen können. hut ab!

-

this was german.

No. 3

buenos días!
ahora quiero charlar sobre el tema de las idiomas diferentes. estudio esta lengua desde hace un ano, y por eso puedo decir que conozco el carácter de ella, pero ya tengo algunos problemas con las palabras y la gramática. perdoname, por favor. como he dicho, las idiomas todas tienen cosas en común y cosas que son diferentes. y por eso pienso que son tan interesante para aprender.
-
this was spanish, without certain accents 'cause they're not supported by my keyboard.

No. 2

bonjour, mesdames et messieux!
aujourd'hui, je veux parler de n'importe quoi avec vous, comme je le fais toujours. du coup, je vais écrire toutes les choses dont je pense. pardonnez-moi si je fais des fautes, mais je dois dire que je ne suis plus habituée à parler le francais parce qu'il y a quelque temps que je n'ai pas utilisée cette langue. si vous la connaissez, ne pensez vous pas non plus qu'elle est une très belle langue? à mon avis, elle est vraiment la langue de l'amour...
-
and this was, believe it or not, french

No. 1

yo, wous e lou dou, hou? gell, joey, gfoid dia doch so dermaßen. i schreib iatz in meina echtn muttasprach, so wia i aafgwochsn bi. is eh a wunda, wenn's iangdwer do drausdad vosted. wenn ja, respekt, leid, ia sads guad! find i eh voi interessant, dass se a dialekt so vo da nomalan sprach untascheidn ko, oiso aa fast a eigne sprach is. eh klar, gibts in andane sprachn aa, oba i kenn hoid nua mein fall.
oiso, wenn iangdwea den kaas, den i grod gschrimm hob, vostandn hod, schreibts ma doch an comment, wias dazua kemmts.
guad, sers, bis moang...
-
this was bavarian, my mother tongue

new!!

i'm trying something new now: the next posts will be written in all languages i speak. ok, there aren't too many, but nevertheless, i think it'll be interesting.

boy,...

what to write, what to write...
well, i'll write about writing. to have an idea and simply start typing, looking where i will get you. most of the time, to a completely unexpected place. wow... i think it's amazing what we can do, even if we don't try to at all. or what can come out of just starting something and letting everything flow in as it comes to your mind. kind of that stream-of-consciousness-technique, and it's exactly how i'm writing this post. everything i'm thinking about at the moment. focused, aren't i?

...

whoa, i'm sorry that i haven't posted for quite a time now. there's been sooooo damn much going on, i still can't believe it, and though i try to keep my blog up to date i don't, that means didn't, succeed really. at least not in the past twelve days...
so, i'm going to think, note my impressions, and look around for a little this and that... cu, guys

and on...

She didn’t really realize what she was reading, though. Her thoughts always wandered away to what she had dreamed that night. This dream looked like it was kind of a sequel to the first, the one she had had while under hypnosis. Only this time, her dream man had told her that he, himself, didn’t know how she could be able to help him, and, what was far more strange, he had told her that he wasn’t a dream but real; and that she should watch out in order to find him. She didn’t know what to think about all this. Could she imagine such things? Was it even normal to dream of a person she had never seen, who didn’t look similar to anyone she had met so far and who, in spite of that, stated to be real and to be nearby? She started to believe in earnest that the time was overripe for a meeting with a shrink. Perhaps there was something unconscious buried within her that was the source of these dreams?
At last she pushed these thoughts aside. Brooding would only drive her mad. She would make an appointment with a psychologist and look what that would result in. She needed a free head today, as she had to present a summary of her work of the last six months to her boss. She surely didn’t want a dream to be the reason for ruining her reputation of a high quality worker.
She glanced at her clock, a funny one whose face and pendulum were the shape of sheep. She had enough time to dress and go for a walk with Sian until she would have to drive to the office and do her song and dance for her boss. Then I had better get started.

gettin' lazier by the day

somehow it's fascinating how fast, how easily and how completely one grows accustomed to new things after an extremely short time interval.
example: as it is in my current situation, a new love. after some days you start to think that if you hadn't that contact once per day, something would be missing. you even have problems remembering how it was before that person came into your life. as far as i know, there were moments of happiness, too, but they are easily forgotten when you've got another "addiction".
or, to give a non-love-related one, think of a new ... sofa, cell phone, book, computer, whatever. once you have had it for a few weeks, it's integrated into your life.
think of dependence...

too lazy to think of a headline...

you know, occasionally horoscopes really are right. it's unbelievable!
yesterday, mine said (i'm taurus, by the way) that a new love caused butterflies in my stomach and a perpetual smile on my face...
dios mío, that thing was so damned right. after such a long dry spell, finally there is this feeling of overwhelming happiness. it feels so awfully good, i can't describe it accurately.
that's also why my posts are getting a little shorter, 'cause my attention span is somewhat shortened by other thoughts constantly crossing my mind. it's like standing at an intersection, and every time you want to take the road you actually wanted, there's something extremely interesting happening on another one, so you get distracted and walk there instead. by the time you're back to where you started, you have to think again on which road to take, and when you finally remember, the same game starts again.
well, those in love never are rational, you all know...

o.n. again...

Stella woke up early the next day. She sat up and yawned, stretching and rubbing her eyes before getting up completely, and walked into her sitting room.
“Hey, morning, Sian. Sleep well that night? I certainly did.” Sian opened her eyes to narrow slits and lazily wagged her tail, stopping after three seconds.
“Hello, lazybones! It’s time for breakfast. Or aren’t you hungry today?” She received a glare in return that she knew from all the years living with Sian to interpret as the equivalent to an arched eyebrow. Of course I’m hungry, just what do you think? Have you ever heard about something called ‘breakfast in bed’?
“Sure, I’ll get my tray and then I will immediately be of service to thou, ma’am.” Stella said, ironically. “You know, if you were six years older, with arthritis and all the other little signs of age, then I’d be happy to bring you your meals. But last time I checked – which was yesterday, by the way - you were still young enough to be able to lift your thirty kilos and go fetch it yourself.” With a bright smile, she sat down and drank her orange juice while skimming through her newspapers.

oi...

some days ago i wrote about not giving up, not accepting that kind of coincidences, remember?
guess what, it helped! meine fresse, it really helped. i couldn't believe it! i do not trust it, either, even now. it was such a good time, and so long since the last time i've had something at least a bit comparable.
oh, what a wonderful feeling...
i can't stop grinning...
and i can't type anymore, sorry.

and on...

As soon as Dwane came to himself, he jumped back, out of reach of her sensibility. Even now, he couldn’t risk her feeling him, especially because he hadn’t been able to fully explain this fact to her yet, even if it meant landing roughly onto his backside. It was frustrating that they never had much time for conversation, so every time he tried to tell her that she would have to try to find a way to help him, it ran out. This time, however, the interval had been a little longer than the last time, he suddenly realized. Perhaps the next time he tried he’d be able to impart everything he knew about him and her.
He was dragged out of his thoughts when Stella sighed, murmuring something and turning to her other side, but not waking up as abruptly as the last time he had contacted her. And maybe her tolerance is increasing, too.He’d have to wait for another night.

hmmm....

well, have you noticed how the sky is of a deeper blue right above your head, whereas towards the horizon it appears to bleach out to the color of white. that's really strange...
or that the palette of colors at sunset is richer in winter? if you want to take photos of that play of colors, you should do it in that time of the year.
dios mío, i'm getting far too far into that kind of romantiic stuff. sorry, i have to quit or my rep will be ruined!

why?

flames to dust.
you all know the song, i guess. why do all good things come to an end?
i don't know. for a few days you've been having a good time, fun, really, and then, whack!, everything falls apart. and you are alone, lonely, and both sad and enraged.
i don't want to accept this! who the hell thinks that they can do this to me and others? what kind of higher power is that cruel to find it amusing to cause other people such a god-damned misery? what did the victims, yes, they're all victims, do to deserve this?
i'll tell you, nothing. yup, you can say that it's all logic and rational, that it's all caused by everyone's mistakes, but i say that there are coincidences that are out of anyone's reach to influence. so who controls this?
for such a long time i've been searching for a tiny little bit of luck, almost giving up, almost breaking down, hopelessness, in the process. and now i've gotten a taste what luck is, what a good time really means, and it's simply taken away from me!
i know, luck is a cow and searches its fellows, but this isn't a lack of luck. this is a fucking pile of shit, and don't anyone dare tell me that there are reasons or that this is exactly what i deserved. 'cause no one deserves that kind of misery. who the hell finds this funny? i know i'm an atheist, but that's no reason. i know i've made mistakes, but i've paid for each and every one of them! i've had absolutely no luck when it came to facing the consequences, i wasn't spared with anything. so that's no reason either!
i'm a friendly person, i like to help, the only thing i've ever wanted was not to be lonely. and now, i am that exactly. it hurts like hell, but i refuse to give up, i refuse to submit to a higher power's ill will, i won't give anyone the satisfaction of knowing i'm defeated.
i've always had to be the strong one, and now i'll keep on being strong. so, deal with it.

nothing is as it seems

ok, i'll admit, this isn't the actual version of this post, i've deleted it.
why? that's simple, my perspective has changed, as yet so often. but i've apparently not learned very well from it, as you all could see. yeah, that and a kind of shock-induced haze i found myself in for quite a time, some 12 hours after i wrote this post.
however, some minutes after i finished with the now deleted version, i got an explanation, but i was so out of it that it didn't register anymore. but the headline i've given this post fits, nevertheless. you really should look carefully at how things are and whether there might be a little more to them that isn't visible on the first glance...
just as you shouldn't judge someone from a single moment. a personality is much too complex to be known in a short time, it takes months, maybe years, to reach a deep level of knowledge.

just a thought

imagine that some time ago, you were extremely surprised by how one day passed perfectly, no wrong things, no problems whatsoever. just perfect. i almost couldn't believe that something like a perfect day was possible at all, but now i know better.
'cause i've had to learn the hard way that there's always compensation.
in my case, it was a brutal one-two punch right smack in the belly. to be honest, i almost doubled over from it, really. and i'm not the type that's susceptible to that sort of thing, well, most of the time, as i know now.
but the good point is, now that it's out, now that i know, i can find a way to deal with it.
after the first shock from the punch, which lasted quite a time, btw, i'm finally starting to come back to my normal state of mind, i'm (at last) back to my objective view of things, though there's still a bit of a fight between my irrational and my rational me. however, i think my rational me will win in quite a short time, thank whoever can be thanked!
so, as i'm almost back to myself again, i find that i think that nothing in the situation i and everyone else are in has changed. it's still the same as it was before the punch. and what has changed is only my perspective of how things are. for me, that's a hell of a lot reassuring, honestly.
uff, rationality's back online.
welcome to objectiveness!

no dna ;)

He found himself on a white beach, surrounded by turquoise sea and palms. He turned around drinking in the sights, waiting for her to appear. It really looked like they were stranded on a Caribbean isle, somewhere in the middle of the ocean. Surprising which things Stella liked for spending her dreams with.
“Hi, Dwane. Also here again?” Dwane swiveled around to see her standing before him, wearing a beautiful light blue bikini. She was smiling in a friendly way.
“You do remember me, Stella?” Dwane was amazed she still knew him.
“Of course I do. These eyes of yours are really too unusual to forget them. As it is, I’ve never seen such a shade as yours have.” She frowned. “I’m sorry, but I think we were interrupted the last time we talked. As far as I recall it was when I asked you how you knew my name… and how I could be able to help you, wasn’t it?”
“Um, yes, that was as far as we got. Well, how do I know your name? ...Does it really matter to you how I do?”
“Okay, you got me. Actually I don’t, you’re right. I guess, as this is a dream, and you are part of it, it isn’t that important, anyway, don’t you agree? It’s just funny that I’m dreaming of you so often.” She turned a little. “I think I’d like a coconut now. Want one, too?” Before Dwane could blink, she had a coconut with a straw in her hands, which she used to drink a little of the milk.
“No, thank you. To your other question, how could you help me?” He waited until he had her attention again. “I don’t know how I came in this state, and I must say, sorry as I might be, I can’t tell you how you can help me.”
“So you are telling me that I can help you, but not how? This is really a strange dream, even for my standards. Why can’t I simply dream about lying in a hammock on this beach, sipping some drink and being spoiled by some Adonis?”
Their surroundings started to blur. Dwane sensed she was about to wake, knowing he had to talk fast now. “Stella, this isn’t a dream. I am real, please, believe me, and I really do need your help!”
While she was staring at him, puzzled, the beach and everything else around them began to dissolve.
“But who are you, then?”
“I’m Dwane. Watch out when you’re awake, and you’ll find me. Pay attention to your sensations, Stella!“ He managed to cry out before he was forced to leave her dream.

and on...

Dwane was abruptly startled from sleep when Stella switched on her TV. He felt confused and disorientated, almost started to panic, until he remembered where he was, and what he wanted to do. He watched her zap through the channels, never staying on one of them longer than half a minute, then finally switch it off again. He waited patiently while she said goodnight to her dog and went to have a shower. He sensed how much she enjoyed the hot water pouring over her. I haven’t had a shower since my last normal day. Funny, I’m not dirty nor smelling like anything. Perhaps it’s a side effect of this existence, whatever it is. However, I miss my life, the normality. I miss it all so terribly.
He decided to let her fall asleep until he would try to establish another contact with her, as he still wanted to avoid scaring her at all costs.
About two hours later, he followed the path into her sleeping room, finding her already deep in her dreams. He went to her side of the bed and crouched down beside her. Like the last time he had seen her like this, she slept with her hand tucked under her cheek.
Like the last time, he reached out to touch her face, her hair, gently stroking the smooth blond strands with his fingertips while he dived into her dreams.

...

well, today's nothing new here. sorry, wasn't really inspired enough. there'll be more the next time!

what do you know?

luck is a cow and searches its fellows.
wow, great how much that fits on life. or, another one: luck is when preparation meets opportunity.
it's such a pity that luck is that unfair distributed. some people who don't need any have way too much, whereas others who'd really need a bit of luck, get nothing.
but occasionally, the cow gets confused and doesn't know its fellows anymore. that's the time for all the ones who think they deserve a piece of the cake to grab their chance. no time for thinking about it, you just have to do it and see what'll come out. dependent on however slow the cow is, the more success you'll have.
so guys, let's drug the cow! put it under!!!

chapter 5

Having worked for almost nine hours nonstop, Stella was relieved to finish with a last sentence for that day and shut off her laptop. She really was looking forward to watching TV for a little while, just to relax a bit before calling it quits and going to bed. Making herself comfortable in her favorite chair, she watched a news reporter relating some minor incident in a company, then started zapping through her channels. Five minutes later, she sighed and switched it off again, finding the trash being sent on every single one of her channels simply nerve racking. Shaking her head, she went to where her dog lay, fast asleep. Kneeling down soundlessly next to Sian, she reached out to softly stroke a hand over her fur, rousing her dog from the deep slumber she had been in.
“Hi there. Do you want to stay here, or listen to me snoring half the night again?”
Sian only yawned and turned to her other side, baring her belly to Stella’s caressing hand, sighing deeply and pinching her eyes closed.
“Okay, stay here. You’ll be quite comfortable on your carpet, anyway. Just having a shower and I’ll be off, too. Till tomorrow, then.” After one last, affectionate pat on Sian’s head, Stella went into her bathroom. Enjoying a long, hot shower, she almost couldn’t bring herself to turn off the water and dry off. Oddly enough, this just made her more tired than she had been before. While pulling her favorite sleep shirt over her head, she walked into the darkness of her sleeping room, on the way to her bed stretching and doing a good imitation of Sian’s yawn. She fell asleep so fast she barely had time to pull her blanket up to her chin, the way she used to every night.

and on

Suddenly, quite a time later, a loud sound made Stella look up from the text she was typing, then around, at her dog that had started snoring noisily, its limbs twitching and jerking. Dwane looked, too, catching up Stella’s emotions, even before she smiled at her sleeping canine. She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, leaning back in her chair and yawning widely. Dwane glanced at his watch, which had, just his luck, stopped some time ago. Did it really matter that it had? Besides, did it even function in this form of existence, whatever it was? Looking out of the window, he saw it was just becoming a little darker, so he could assume it was about six p.m. Curling up on Stella’s sofa, he returned to watching her continuing with her work while listening to her canine’s sound sleep. The constant, soothing sound of Stella typing and her dog breathing made him feel drowsy at first, then, without him noticing, he slipped off to sleep himself.

just wondering...

you ever had the misfortune to know people who had an opinion to everyone and every damned little thing? no? oh, man, are you lucky ones, then, i envy you!
the question is, why do those people always think that anyone wants to hear what they think? and why do they expect that, when they declare their opinion, everyone is bound to agree with it? is it cause they think they're that important? do they think crying out their opinion about really important things like, as it is in my case, a good, friendly and sympathic religion teacher they absolutely can't stand, can change any damn thing?
i do not say 'you have to deal with all the shit that comes', absolutely not, but i think you have to make the best out of the things you can't change, and perhaps save someone your complaints, especially if you use to complain about the same teacher six fucking times a day.
my sanity would express its gratitude!

o.n. a.g.a.i.n. . . .

When watching Stella joking with her canine, Dwane had to bite back a laugh several times. He hadn’t known how humorous some women were when alone with their pets, discovering he found this fact utterly amazing. Perhaps it was that they were too shy in company, or the inexplicable charisma of dogs?
He was sitting on her sofa again, looking at her while she was working. He could feel her concentration; she was so deep within her work she didn’t notice anything around her, giving him a good occasion to look upon her from behind. She was wearing her hair in a ponytail today, the end of which almost reached the center of her back. A few strands of it had gotten loose, however, and were now hanging in her face. He imagined how soft, how alive it had felt against his fingertips, that night when he had smoothed them out of her face. He wanted to do it again, wanted to feel like he had not been able to for such a long time, not since he had gotten in this situation. She was the only one he could touch, anyway. Nevertheless, before he could risk another contact she would have to retire first, or else he would frighten her too much, and would get him nowhere. He wanted to avoid this as far as possible, mainly because he didn’t even know whether he could establish contact with her while she was awake, and trying now would be reckless, nothing else. He didn’t want to try until she knew who he was, so he would have to wait.

we'll continue (on...) ;)

“Hey sweetie, I’m back again!” Stella said half an hour later when she greeted her dog, who was already waiting for her at the door of her flat.
“So, tell me, how many burglars and thieves have you chased away while I’ve been at the dentist’s letting myself be tortured?” For an answer, she got an enthusiastic tail waggling. “What, that many? Wow, you’ve been quite a busy dog! Are you hungry, or have you already been nibbling on some intruder, and I’ll find the remains in the kitchen?” Sian barked, and Stella walked over to put down her bags and to strip out of her jacket, chuckling.
“Just what I thought. How considerate of you not to force me to clean up the whole kitchen again from your mess. I’m so touched. Okay, okay, I’ll fix us something to eat… oh, and no, I won’t mix up my lunch with yours, much as you’d probably love that!”
With a big grin on her face, Stella went to prepare their meals, her dog sitting back on her haunches and waiting patiently while watching her with intent eyes.
“Hey, don’t you watch crime series these days? Never sit with your back to a door and your mind in some other place! That’s how the criminals get their victims!” Hey, boss, just in case you haven’t noticed yet, we’ve got some curious thing called ‘lock’ on our door! Besides, I think my ears can be trusted to hear anyone sneaking in here.
Stella snorted loudly. “Yeah, just like the time you didn’t even twitch a whisker when I got a parcel delivery, and went to open the door. I found you still snoring when I returned!”
That was an exception. You know, it’s the exception that proves the rule.
“But if the exception proves the rule, then the rule must have exceptions, just like you, don’t you think?” Stella smirked, satisfied. “Okay, enough of this now, it’s time for lunch!”
While attending to her own meal, she watched Sian greedily wolf down hers, mesmerized by the speed with which her dog accomplished it. She was sure she would choke after her third bite if she ever tried the same.
“You know what, my appointment today wasn’t that horrible, wonder of all wonders! Actually, I didn’t feel anything, mostly because I was hypnotized. I didn’t know that this is now also used in medicine, but as the dentist told me, the success rate at minor procedures is most remarkable. I’ve had a tooth pulled, without analgesic!” Stella pondered on this for a little while. “This might ease my fear of these appointments quite a bit.”
Sian lost interest in Stella’s talking and padded over to her favorite place next to Stella’s sofa to lie down, intending to start one of her afternoon naps.
In the meantime, Stella cleared off the remainder of her meal and sat down at her worktable. She switched on her laptop, starting with the heap of work still waiting for her, already immersed in the topic as her fingertips touched the keyboard.

some things

have you ever wondered how much you're affected by your memories and experiences?
yup, they are the anchor of your personality. without them, you wouldn't be the one you are, you wouldn't act like you do, wouldn't like what you like. they determine everything about our characters.
to think, if we all would make exactly the same experiences, without the slightest difference, we would probably all be the same. thus there would be no diversity, no individuality. if you saw one, you saw all.
but that's not the case, thank whoever you want...
that also means, naturally, that all we experience in life changes us, our character, how we act, what and whom we like.
if you think closely about it, you even have changed in the little time you've needed to read this post so far. kind of scary, isn't it, to think that every little thing we do has an influence on ourselves? however, science knows that the human brain is subjected to a constant change. so, when you finish reading a book, there's quite a difference in the structure of your brain than before you started reading.
still, what happens if you are forgetting your experiences, all memories you have? well, that's something like one can observe in alzheimer. you lose the anchor of your personality, you lose yourself.

news!

yo, guys, the new book of the harry potter series came out today!!
as of now, the only thing i can say is: wow, the lady knows how to write a novel. of course, this one is the least of the whole series that one should let small kids read, at least not without explaining things to them. but it's a worthy conclusion.
well, at times i got really emotional while reading... this doesn't happen very often to me, so that means it's a thoroughly good novel. i'm sure i'm not the only one, however, who will find it strange that a series one's got so used to being continued is finished at last. it wouldn't do any good if the author tried to hang on with an additional novel or even more, cause, as she said, she plotted the series of 7 in one. so another wouldn't fit or measure up to the previous ones and greatly disappoint the readers.
i won't comment anything on the happenings in the novel, cause it's something you all have to discover for yourself! :)

onononon...

It was really amazing what Stella dreamed about of late. While she had been under hypnosis at the dentist’s, she had been standing on some kind of meadow at sunset, talking to a tall man with dark hair and the most unusual eyes she had ever seen. Most dark haired men had either blue or brown eyes, sometimes green ones. His were not blue, or green like hers, or an ordinary brown; they were a light tone, resembling the shade of café au lait, contrasting to his hair in an interesting way. Their conversation had been all the more mysterious: He had told her his name, Duane or something, and that she was the only one who could help him. Strange. Her imagination surprised her over and over, especially because she had never dreamed of such things before. She didn’t even know nor had seen anyone who looked even a little similar to her dream man. Somehow this fact spooked her, without her being able to explain why.
The horn of some car caused her to emerge from her reverie. She shoved those thoughts aside and concentrated on her surroundings again, remembering: Ah, I’ve yet to buy some dog food for Sian, or she’ll be nagging me again! Therefore, she stopped at a pet shop to get what she needed before continuing to head home.

some questions

yo, folks, time for staring to think a little bit about everything around us...
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what is time?
is there an end to our universe?
where do we go when our lives come to an end?
is there life out somewhere in the universe?
have we been here sometime, somewhere yet, in an earlier life?
does something like destiny exist, or are there only coincidences?
why did such highly developped cultures of the past vanish, without our knowledge of the circumstances?
what is love?
are there parallel-universes? do mirrored images of ouselves exist?
is the speed of light really the fastest velocity?
what is to be found inside a black hole?
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for some of these questions, when we have got our answer, we won't be able to tell anyone. pity, isn't it?

...niaga no :)

Dwane had watched the dentist examining Stella. Sensing her fear, he felt pity for her, especially when she started sweating after the doctor’s announcement. She really was afraid of what was awaiting her, judging from the waves of terror he felt, panic almost causing him to run. When the doctor hypnotized her, he moved to her side, taking her hand once she was unconscious.
He became caught by a hazy image, some sort of daydream. He was standing on a hilly meadow, a few feet away from her. She was sitting on the ground, staring at the sky. Looking around, he was amazed to see the sun standing just above the horizon, immersing the hills in a beautiful, warm light. Why, seems like she’s a romantic soul.
“Who are you?”
He whirled around, startled. Stella had turned and now was looking at him. For a moment, he was too dazed to answer, trying to find some words to explain this situation without frightening her. She didn’t look frightened, however, just curious.
“Who are you?” She asked again.
“Dwane. I’m Dwane.” He was only sure of his name.
“Hey, Dwane. I’m Stella. What are you doing here?”
“I know who you are. I came here because I thought you might be the one able to help me.”
“How do you know my name? And how could I be able to help you?” She frowned. “And why does your voice sound so familiar to me? It’s like I’ve met you somewhere, but I just can’t remember where.”
To him, it was a complete mystery, too. He had never said anything to her, never met her before.
“This must be a simple coincident. So, what do you say, Dwane?”
Just as he opened his mouth to answer her questions, though, the hilly landscape blurred, then vanished, along with her, and he found himself back in the treatment room, the doctor snipping his fingers again. Immediately he let go of her hand and moved back, out of the range where she would feel him.
“There you are, Ms. Lewis. The procedure went off without a hitch. We got the tooth out. Do you feel any pain?” The dentist smiled as Stella grimaced.
“No, Doc. Just feels strange. Thanks.”
Dwane impatiently waited, listening to the dentist’s advice and their small talk, relieved when they finally finished. He was still thinking about what she had said during her hypnosis, not being able to make any sense out of it. How had he been able to communicate with her, simply by touching her? Was it some kind of telepathy, triggered by his current condition? It would be sensible to assume it was, for he suddenly realized he had touched her once before, the time she had been sleeping, probably projecting his thoughts of that very moment to her. That had to be the reason. She could sense his presence when awake; he could communicate with her when she was unconscious. He had found out why she knew his voice, and a way at least to try to escape his situation.

on... (line ;) )

“Okay, Ms. Lewis, it looks like you have a hole in one of your teeth. I think we will have to pull it out, or else it will soon hurt like hell.”
Stella immediately started sweating. Bad enough she was afraid of every single appointment here, but this was beyond anything.
“I suppose you can’t sedate me, Doc?” She asked, voice shaking. “I know it’s silly, but I’m quite scared, having to face this procedure.” The dentist smiled sympathetically.
“You are right, we can’t. However, there is another possibility. I can hypnotize you so you won’t feel anything of this procedure. We are using it with other patients who are equally scared of them. The success rate is utterly remarkable, for as yet no patient noticed anything during minor treatments.”
“You could do that? Well, let’s get it over with, then, before I’m running out of here.” The doctor prepared his equipment, then returned, holding a crystal suspended by a string in his hand.
“Okay, I want you to follow the pendulum with your eyes now. Try not to blink. Just concentrate on watching the pendulum.” He said in a soothing voice. “You are growing tired and your eyelids become heavier and heavier. When I snip my fingers, you will find yourself again at a beautiful place and you will feel no pain. Ready? One, two, three.”As soon as the dentist snipped his fingers Stella’s eyes closed.

and we'll go on

hey, folks, back to my story again. this is chapter 4:
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“Hey, Sian, c’mon, you slowcoach! Time for fitness!” Stella gleefully called to her dog, running a good hundred feet ahead. “Oh, don’t shoot me this you’ll-pay-for-it - look again. You’re getting fat, you know. Remember our last appointment at the vet’s? She nearly fell unconscious when she saw your vitals! So say good-bye to your lazy life! Let’s go!”
Dwane hadn’t known she was a passionate jogger, until that very morning, but he managed to keep up with her speed, at the usual safe distance, of course. He was relieved she hadn’t noticed his presence three days before, as it had really just been pure luck for him. What he couldn’t quite understand, though, was his empathic ability concerning her state of emotions. Right now, he knew she was quite happy, looking forward to jogging for a while with her dog. Apparently, she had banned thoughts of the mysterious events from her mind. Perhaps his ability was thought as a kind of emphasize for him to believe she was the one destined for saving him. He would find out, he told himself, soon.
Returning to her apartment, Stella prepared a bowl of food for her dog before going to have a quick shower.
Sitting on her sofa again and watching her dog feed, his thoughts wandered away. He had never heard of a dog being called “Sian”. Of course, it was an Irish name, so it was rare in this area anyway, but nevertheless, it seemed unusual to him to name a pet thus. He would like to know how she had gotten the idea of that name. There were so many things he would like to know. Most of them were about her. Stop it, you need her help, not her life story!
Having finished and dressed, Stella returned to sit down in front of her laptop, obviously intending to start with her work. She now was… nervous, and anxious, about something, glancing at the clock every five minutes. Finally, at eleven a.m., she stood up and made herself ready to go out.
“Hey, Sian, I’ve got my appointment at the dentist’s. Time for me to go now, but I’ll be back soon. Boy, if only you knew how much I hate these appointments! Bye, baby!” With that, she left, Dwane following in her wake.

some wishes...

first of all, i wish my best and dearest culo a good recuperation. just where the hell did you pick this cold up?! if it wants me to give it a tip: it should evaporate as soon as possible or else it will have to deal with me... harr, harr.
then, i wish for all the incredible stupid people out there (general statement, not to be applied to the reader) that someone up there might throw brain off the sky. surely it wouldn't be bad for all these ones, who are so pitiable for their hm-hmmmm... i won't explain further.
i wish for all lonely ones someone they can depend on and who will be the one that can make their loneliness vanish (i know, this sounds like i've copied it out of a bad romance novel, but i really mean what i write)
i wish for anyone who reads my blog that he, she or it (...) will have fun while reading it and be able to laugh about some of the things i post, and think about the things that are serious here, so simply have a good time with good, old (!) siobhan.
and last but not least, i wish everyone out there an enjoyable (rest of) weekend!!!
i thank you for your attention.

yup, read on!

Stella slept very well. She dreamed of someone standing next to her. “Oh, little one, I wish so much you could help me.” She didn’t know what he (somehow she knew the speaker was a he) meant, but she really wanted to help him. Then the dream continued with him caressing the side of her face, so softly and tenderly she felt like melting. “It has been so long.” He was sad, very sad, lonely, and desperate. She could hear it in his voice. Although she couldn’t see him, she wanted to free him from the misery, the throbbing, terrible loneliness echoing out from it. If only she could help him…
There’s something extremely wrong in here! She sat up abruptly, still confused from sleeping, feeling disorientated and panic. “Hello, is someone there?” Nothing, no one, of course. What had she thought? There were locks everywhere, so no one could get in. Perhaps it were the aftereffects of that strange dream… Tapping sounds came closer, making her tense for a moment; but it was just Sian, returning from Stella’s living room. Letting out the breath she’d unconsciously been holding, she allowed her dog to jump up on her bed again, in fact, invited her to do so. “Hi, there. Have you only been thirsty, or was I snoring too loudly? Wouldn’t be the first time, I know” Sian only snuggled up to her. “Hey, my warning from before is still valid” Stella stroked her feline, surprised and amused at the purring sounds Sian immediately started to produce. Wow, didn’t know that dogs can purr as well. Perhaps their way to express that they’re feeling well.
Slowly she drifted back to sleep, soothed by Sian’s purrs, not dreaming until the next morning. She only thought once she could feel someone’s tears falling on her face…

read...

Looking through the window of her apartment, Dwane watched the woman trying to work at her laptop, pausing at intervals to rest her forehead in her hands, almost sensing her frustration. Her glasses suit her very well. At last, she got up and walked over to where her dog laid asleep, taking her glasses off on the way and rubbing her eyes. Sitting down on a comfortable looking chair, she smiled at her sleeping canine. He wished he could do the same, at his home, with his family or his friends, not spending any thought to miseries like the one he was in. He felt like being caught between a rock and a hard place, on the one hand not wanting to disturb her normal life, just like he once had that day, cause he could understand what it would be like for her, on the other hand having been searching so desperately, so hard, so long, for any way to escape his situation. So I won’t have any choice. He sighed. Nevertheless, she’s the only hope I have. I must try, however much I’d like to leave her in peace. He rested his brow on his arms.
When he looked through the window some time later again, her living room was dark and she (Stella, yes, that was her name), had gone, probably to bed. He waited a little, then put his hand at the wall of her apartment. Knowing from prior experience that walls couldn’t stop him, he went into her living room. Her dog was also gone, probably with her. Her taste of décor was simple and functional, yet one had to admit that she had style. Having seen enough, he went on, looking for her sleeping room. Finally, he found her, fast asleep, curled up on her bed beside her pet. Again, just like before, it noticed his presence, lifting its head and staring at the exact place where he stood, growling silently. He moved closer to her bed, causing her dog to jump off and trudge out of her room. Dwane came to a halt beside her, just watching her breathe evenly for a while. She slept with her hand tucked under her cheek, one of her feet looking out from under her blanket. He found himself oddly fascinated by her slim, beautiful hands, her narrow feet, her smooth hair. He could have stood and watched for hours without growing tired of doing so. Oh, little one, I wish so much you could help me. When she sighed in her sleep, a strand of blond hair fell over her face, so he kneeled down and reached out to stroke it out of the way tenderly. Something seemed strange about it. It didn’t sink in at first, but then it struck him, hard: he could touch her and move her hair. He couldn’t believe it, thinking that maybe he was hallucinating. He tried again, at first startled, then enjoying the sensations of touching her hair, feeling its being alive. It has been so long… A light scent teased his nose, a little like wild roses. It was the scent of her hair. He was that concentrated on feeling and memorizing those sensations that, when she murmured something in her sleep and moved, he was so startled that he outright jumped back, almost falling onto his backside. He became even more nervous when he sensed her waking up, not wanting to frighten her again. While he was reflecting on what to do now, she suddenly opened her eyes and sat up, looking around. “Hello, is there someone?” He drew back quickly, almost overwhelmed by her confusion and her fear. Hold it, why am I feeling this? He had never been very empathic, so what did this mean?
He’d have to find out another time. Returning to her living room, he decided to stay on her sofa until he would find a way to communicate with her. There had to be one.

oooooooon...

i proudly present: chapter 3
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Trying as hard as she could, Stella couldn’t concentrate on her work, though. The eerie happenings earlier that very afternoon were still spooking her, a lot. At last, she gave up, sighing and pushing a hand through her hair, and amused herself by watching Sian sleep. Her dog never slept very silently, first snoring loudly (sometimes so much it woke her up herself), and then, when dreaming, with her limbs jerking and her whiskers quivering. Despite her dog’s usual agitation, watching Sian somehow soothed her frazzled nerves. The inexplicable effects of a canine. Incredible. Stella knew she wouldn’t manage much that day any more, distracted as she was, so she decided to call it quits and go to bed early. Surely the world would look a helluva lot different tomorrow. Silently, intending not to wake Sian, Stella checked the locks in her apartment and tiptoed into her sleeping room, yawning. She stripped and put on a soft sleep shirt, the one she liked very much. Suddenly she heard quiet, tapping sounds, coming closer. She smiled without turning around.
“I know I must learn teleportation someday. Or is it that you are very sensitive of my presence or absence?” To answer her question, Sian jumped on Stella’s bed and made herself comfortable.
“I warn you, if you think of sleeping on the whole width of my bed again, I’ll throw you out!”
In reality, however, Stella was quite relieved that Sian didn’t leave her alone, especially not after that strange day. Therefore, she crawled in beside her dog, enjoying the calming warmth Sian was radiating. All of a sudden, she became that tired she barely managed to switch of the lights in her room before she fell asleep. She was sleeping so deeply that she didn’t even notice when Sian jumped off the bed and quickly padded off, her claws producing loud, clicking noises on the floor.

oh, on... (what else?)

He didn’t know how long he had slept. His head snapped up and he looked around, startled.
Suddenly he remembered what had woken him up. He listened. There. A female voice calling something; no, not something, a name. Sian. The voice was beautiful, sending a glimmer of warmth in his heart. She talked to someone, wasn’t alone. Whoever was with her had probably no idea how precious she had to be. It started to rain, and he heard running footsteps coming closer. She came to stand under the tree, near to where he was sitting, and finally he understood what she said: . “Looks like we’re having a bit of bad luck today. With a bit of luck, Res managed to get home in time. Isn’t far from here. Well, can’t be helped now. I just hope it’ll ease up a bit in the next minutes, or else we’ll have to swim to our home from here.”
Meeting her in the street he would probably have walked past her. But on a closer look she was quite pretty. Maybe she didn’t have the perfect model measures, being a little short, but her blond hair framed her face like a gorgeous silken curtain. She had beautiful lips that slightly curved, as if she were always smiling a little. Yet when he looked at her eyes, everything else became unimportant and meaningless. He was caught by their color, green, a beautiful shade of it, with a little brown glittering around the pupils. Somewhere he’d heard that green eyes indicated an old soul.
Without him even noticing it, Dwane had moved closer to her. Before he could watch her eyes longer, she kneeled down beside her dog that had apparently sensed his presence, just like all the other animals he had met so far. They were the only ones with this ability, however. The next he knew, she abruptly looked up around her. “Hello? Someone there?”, she asked. He was looking, too. There was no one else around, no other sound but the rain. No one else but him!
Could it be possible that she could sense him? No, never! This was impossible, unthinkable.
Before he could think further, he heard her talk to herself. “Don’t panic now, Stella, it will be all right” Dwane realized that something was frightening her out of her wits, so he tried retreating some steps. As soon as he was ten feet away from her, both she and her dog calmed down and went on. He decided to follow them, fascinated by her exceptional reaction. He was sure now it had been him she had felt; couldn’t help but hope. Hope that she as probably the only one in existence might be able to save him, free him from this miserable vegetation. Therefore, when she started running, he matched her speed, keeping a safe distance to ensure she wouldn’t feel and be disturbed so much by his presence again. She never once looked back, but then, it wasn’t as if she could see him, either.

and on again!

yo, folks! you ready to continue with chapter 2? yeah? then let's go, and have fun!
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What the hell had happened to him? What the hell had he done to deserve this? He didn’t know, and that lack of knowledge drove him mad. He could still see people where he was; see what they did, where they went, hear what they talked.
But they didn’t see him, not even when he approached them and talked to them. No one recognized him; no one realized he was there.
One time he had tried to stop a man passing by him. This experience had shocked him beyond anything he had ever seen. It wasn’t that the man hadn’t seen him, or stepped around him, as it would be expected: no, he had walked through him! Oh, God, this was the ultimate proof to him that something inexplicable and terrible had happened to him. When he had read in the newspapers about his supposed abduction a few weeks ago, however, he’d tried to contact his family, his friends. In vain. Nothing he did worked; he couldn’t move things, couldn’t produce breezes, couldn’t do anything to give a sign, to show them he was still alive, still there. Nothing would work.
A few weeks later, he gave up, desperate, seeing their grief and helplessness and being just as helpless himself, as he had never been before in his life. Just what the fuck had happened?
He tried very hard not to brood about the hows and whys. Yet most of the time he failed miserably, thinking over and over about what could be the reasons for this mess.
One day he had come home from a strenuous day at his office. He hadn’t been in the mood for going out with some friends, so he’d made himself comfortable with some crisps, watching TV for a while, and then had gone to bed. Falling asleep that day was the last thing he remembered. The next day he’d gone to work as usual, but his secretary hadn’t seen him. No one had. He’d shouted and yelled at them, had tried anything he could think of, without results.
God, he felt so lonely.
Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice where his feet carried him. It wasn’t important, anyway, because he knew there wasn’t anything he could do in this situation. He’d wander around for a time, see what would happen. A few hundred feet away he could see a little forest with a river flowing through it. Suddenly he felt a pull towards it, like a magic attraction, urging him closer and closer, until he entered and followed the only path leading through it. It was beautiful, and despite the overwhelming desperation torturing him, his spirits lifted a bit. It was absolutely quiet except for the beautiful song of birds sitting in the trees. He went on, slowly, taking in all the beauty of the place, looking for a bench to sit and enjoy the glimmer of hope and joy this forest gave him, to let it ease the god-awful pain and misery he suffered, at least a bit. There, under an old tree, he found one. A gorgeous place for a bench. Fitting, too, for one had a wonderful view from there.
He sat down, drinking in sensations he had been missing for so long.
“Hey, Dwane, looks like you’re becoming a radar for nice places” Dwane Connor, yeah, that was his name. He had almost forgotten, not saying or hearing it for such a lot time. Smiling,
he leaned back. His eyelids suddenly grew heavy, so very heavy. He would relax them for a minute or so. Instead, he fell asleep, strangely soothed by his surroundings.

definitions!

have you ever started reading a book, getting completely captured just by the first few passages? such a book just doesn't let you go until you've finished reading it, and then you'll sit back and can only think of "wow, how awesome was that?!". exactly this is the definition of a good book. (just a note, really good books start with ~3oo pages)
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or, how about listening for the first time to an album you've been waiting to be released for about four years? when you get the disc at last, you just throw it into your player and you're off. you only come to your senses after the disc has run through. the def. of a good album.
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what is the def. of intelligence? well, man, it's the ability to pretend you're stupid! cause if you think about it, you'll find that the opposite is quite a lot more difficult, as even tucholsky realized...
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the def. of bottle-blondes: just the even written opposite (by the way, not to be applied to all blondes, as i've posted a time ago...)
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def. of best friends: my vulc-chics (sorry folks, that's an insider ;) )
okay, okay, def. is experiences & preferences you have in common, respective trust & respect, the ability to guess what the other one wants to say and being able to start laughing just when your eyes meet (which means you can laugh very often...)

another "and on"

“I just hope it’ll ease up a bit in the next minutes, or else we’ll have to swim to our home from here. Sian? Hey, Sian!”
Sian didn’t react, her whole body taut, her eyes unfocused. Suddenly she started shivering, pressed against her legs, and made silent noises that Stella recognized as squeals of distress, something she hadn’t heard in years now, not since Sian’s first day with her. This shook her to her toes.
“What is it, baby? Are you in pain somewhere? Shh, it’s all right, let me take a look, I won’t hurt you. I promise.”
That was when it happened. One moment Stella was cautiously palpating Sian’s shivering body, her brows drawn together with concentration, the next she was disturbed by a strange awareness of another presence hovering right beside her. Her head snapped up and she looked around, frowning.
“Hello? Someone there?” Startled, she realized that there wasn’t anyone or anything as far as she could see along the way. Only trees and leaves. But why did she feel this ominous presence, then? She couldn’t hear anything, either, not even the song of a bird, much less than the sound of steps. Sian had probably felt the same thing, judging from her behavior, so she wasn’t losing her mind. Could there be a rational explanation? Probably not. This started to scare her more by the moment, especially when it seemed that the presence was moving around her.
“Don’t panic now, Stella, it will be all right.” Stella didn’t care that she was talking to herself. The alternative was starting to shriek… It helped, that was the point. However, just as she murmured this, she sensed the presence fading away gradually, until she didn’t feel a trace of it anymore. Almost at the same time, Sian calmed down, the tension easing from her limbs, and stopped making those terrible noises. Yet Stella couldn’t stop shivering, however much she wanted to do so. It took her a few moments to recollect her wits. At last, she said, her voice shaking badly, “Whew, that was kind of creepy! C’mon, let’s forget about getting wet and go home. I need a cup of coffee now. Make that a double espresso, a hot shower, oh, and perhaps an appointment with a shrink!” They walked on, Stella turning every five seconds, still feeling very uneasy, the memory of the happenings being too fresh. In the end, she gained more speed, until she was running, with Sian at her side. She didn’t feel like she was being followed, but one never knew. A lot of things around there didn’t make sense. The goose pimples all over her body didn’t vanish. She didn’t dare to look back again.

awesome...

and on...

At the sound of that, Sian increased her speed to trot beside Stella. I hope you remember that I hate being rained on.
“Sure I do. The only strange thing is that you don’t mind getting wet from the underside. We both know that you can’t be stopped when it comes to swimming in anything looking even the tiniest bit like a lake! In this case you still behave like a Labrador.”
Well, somehow that legacy has to shine through!
“Legacy? Since when is rolling yourself around in mud puddles being considered a legacy? To say the very least, it was simply disgusting to clean up all the dirt you spread around in our flat that last time, especially on my nice, clean carpet.” Stella produced a sputtering sound with her lips. “Oh, let’s forget about it. Live and let live… okay, let’s say, live and let wallow.” She looked along the way, seeing another person, also with a dog approximately the same size as Sian, with light colored, curly fur, approaching. When they came nearer, she realized it was Theresa, one of her “dog-friends”, whom she had met on one of her afternoon strolls during Sian’s second year with her.
“Hey, Res, good to see you! How are you?” While Stella chatted with her friend, Sian and Ally, Theresa’s dog, ran back and forth along the way, playing and chasing themselves while growling and barking. To an onlooker it would have appeared dangerous, but both friends knew that it wasn’t in earnest, hearing that the now used play-barks were pitched much higher than the usual, threatening ones.
By the time Stella had said goodbye to Theresa and managed to get Sian away from Ally at last, almost half an hour had passed and the sky had darkened to a not too promising looking dark gray. Some minutes later, rain started to pour down. Stella ran, her hands protecting her head, her shoes and socks becoming saturated with the water from the puddles she jumped through. Looking back, she saw Sian following in her wake. They didn’t stop running until they found a big tree, the leaves of which provided at least some protection from the rain for them. Like on cue, both of them started to shake the water out of their hair, or rather fur.
Stella had to laugh. “Looks like we’re having a bit of bad luck today. Well, can’t be helped now. With a bit of luck, Res managed to get home in time. Isn’t far from here.” She tucked a strand of wet hair behind her ear and grimaced.

sth. to read on

yo, guys, this is the sequel to sth. to read, which i've posted earlier. have fun!
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“Sian!” Stella called. “Hey, c’mere, baby! Time to go on now!”
Her dog Sian, who had obviously detected something smelling just too delicious (for her nose, anyway), was too busy sniffing in the bushes to react to her owner’s call.
“Oh, c’mon, I don’t wanna wait all day here. I’ve got an ass full of work to do, you know!”
Glancing back at her unenthusiastically, Sian seemed to think well, you’re not the only one with duties, chica!
Stella had to chuckle. “I must admit it; you’ve trained me very well, baby.” She knew she was only ‘officially’ the boss, but she didn’t want to break a fight with Sian, either. Her spoiled dog could, at times, be as stubborn as she herself could. Not that she cared, really, because when Sian was hungry, the two of them were best friends again. That reminded her.
“Listen up, aren’t you hungry today? I’m starving. Let’s go now, all right?”
At last, Sian trotted to Stella and received a fond scratching behind her ears. Sian wasn’t an ugly dog. A mixture from different races, she first had more resembled a Labrador in her youth, but now she looked more and more like a German wirehaired, including the fringe in front of her eyes giving her an intelligent, distinguished air and at the same time enhancing her warm brown eyes. Her black fur with the distinct silvery sheen was regularly brushed by Stella, who often thought of herself as Sian’s most devoted slave. Because of Sian’s color, most people they would meet on their strolls were afraid of her, but only Stella knew that her dog was a little coward, even startled at times when she sneezed suddenly while working.
“So, what do you think of a bowl of Chappi and later some cuddling, when I’m ready with work?” Stella asked. Really, I’d prefer some canapés and a bit of caviar, but do I get a choice? Sian sniffed, disdainfully. Obviously not. But I have always known that those
‘amenities’ of yours suck!
“Hey, lady, think of how ‘starving’ sucks. Because that’ll happen if you decide to skip your meals in order to hope for something tastier.”
I’ll have to train you further. Again. You’re being far too impudent. Boyo, that’ll be fun!
“Yeah, just try! Personally, I wouldn’t recommend it, though. Oh, don’t look at me like the poor, whipped, starved doggie. This stopped being convincing quite a time ago. You need to think of something else. And don’t you even dream about trying the limp number. I’m not stupid, you know.” Stella snorted and looked up at the sky, which had become cloudy and grey. “Uh-oh, baby, looks like it’ll start raining any minute. We had better make haste now, before it’s too late and we get soaked through! I’m not in the mood of having a shower outside today.”

sometimes it hurts...

creationism ideas are now spreading even in europe, and if you really read the articles about it in the newspapers, you think it better to give yourself a headshot...
first of all, creationism. for all who don't know, an absurd idea of a creator being responsible for how the world looks today. evolutionary theory? being based on facts? no, no, NO, absolutely not logical, senseless babbling of scientists. after all, there hasn't been a n y evolution since the "creation" of the universe. not at all! and they can "proof" it!!!! there's an encyclopedia out, with pictures of fossilized bones of animals that supposedly haven't changed until today, thus were created by a superior force. dios mío, just who the f*ck was able to think up all this crap?! natural sciences have detailed proof that the evolutionary theory we know today, that we have been taught about in biology, is, was, and very probably will be v a l i d ! ! ! i repeat: valid!!!
i really don't want to say that i'm taking the right for myself to forbid or tell anyone what to believe. really not. if you care so much about this idea, please continue, i've nothing against it. but don't try to replace it for valid, logic and provable theories, and leave it out of biology lessons. cause the next step will be introducing the concept of flowers and bees, and that would be the end of intelligence and sensibility! so, keep your creationism to information outside school. for the sake of worldwide inelligence!!!!!

package of c.u.n.t.s is easily ripped open

translated into a certain german dialect: so a backl fotzn is glei aufgrissn.
contributed by my dearest "möselchen", you know who you are...
amazing that this sentence fits for a wide variety of occasions in daily life, as i can tell from personal experience. in the dialect i've typed above it even has more than just one meaning, which isn't apparent in the beginning. but when the light dawns... :-P

Caspar David Friedrich, The Lonely Tree

i simply love this painting, i can't express it otherwise. in contrast to "popular" opinion, i don't think the atmosphere is sad and depressed but melancholic and pensive. i really was startled to find it causing a strange pang in my heart the first time i saw it, yet it did, and does anew every time i take a look. the landscape the artist painted here appeals to me on such a level that i really would dive into it if i could.

you notice that the sky looks so real you feel like contemplating a pic?

to be blond, or to be bottle-blond, that is the question...

yup, incredible but true, there really is a difference between being blond, naturally or dyed, doesn't always matter, and the bottle-kind.
fact is, while people can be blond, natural or not, this doesn't imperatively mean they're lacking intelligence, comprehension and character. just as there are people, brunettes, redheads, black hair, grey hair, a.s.o. that meet all the requirements for the description as bottle-blondes. in this case, it's unfortunately almost a natural law that the outbreak of intelligence is just as probable as winning the lotto, or be struck by lightning during a tokyo hotel concert (the poor lightning wouldn't do that to itself, what a wise natural force).
however, statistics show an enormous growth rate of bottle-blond beings, (though cleverly disguised as other haircolors). the graph shows an exponential growth rate, consistent with beings mostly categorised as monocellular that reproduce through cell division.
so when meeting someone, one should always ask a intelligent question as soon as possible, cause listening to a bottle-blonde is torture for ears and brain... ;-)

uh-oh, we're reflecting a bit...

strange, i never thought of myself as a creative person able to write, but some day, i had an idea, something like a plot, well, something. i simply started writing a bit that evening, and what came out's what i posted yesterday. i really surprised myself cause i'm no romantic, and yet the stuff i wrote is just that, it literally drips! but somehow, each time i read it again, it touches my heart. dios mío, i think i'm in the process of becoming a romantic!!! the next thing i'll do will surely be buying some candles, strew some red rose petals on the floor and having a bath with plenty of foam while listening to celine dion...
man, i think it'll soon come to an end with me!

something to read...

Leaves fell down soundlessly. It was a beautiful day in autumn, with a multiple of reds and yellows glowing out between the trunks of the trees and above from their twigs. Yet no one was out admiring the breathtaking beauty of nature in this period. It was quiet except for the barely perceptible whisper of wind blowing through the leaves, and silent steps on the foliage. She walked alone, not meeting a single soul on her way. In a distance behind her ran a mid-sized black dog, stopping here and there to sniff at something, to whom she turned to look at from time to time, just as if she wanted to assure it was still there. All the same, she didn’t feel lonely; she was wrapped up in her thoughts, far far away in a place in her mind she knew just too well. Absently she listened to the song of a bird, one of the few who had yet to leave for a warmer winter residence in the south. She wasn’t sad, either, loving this time of the year when the colours were the most vivid of the year, when even the sky was of such a gorgeous, brilliant blue as to no other time. It was the period when nature prepared for some months spent in hibernation, before being reanimated next spring. Suddenly her emerald green eyes focused on something in a distance and the smooth skin around them crinkled with a broad, delighted smile curving her lips. Her long blond hair flew as she rushed towards a single figure waiting patiently at the next curve of the path, leaning at the trunk of an old oak spreading its branches wide over the way. Strong arms caught her and he whirled her around in the air, her hands caressing his face and their united laughter spilling into the silence. Putting her down, he embraced and kissed her tenderly while their hands joined. The black dog sprang around them joyously as they continued to walk, together, hand in hand, her head resting on his shoulder.
For a moment, the soft breeze intensified, whirling leaves around and causing them to fall down from the trees like raindrops in a heavy storm, and they were gone, without leaving any trace, like a daydream come to an abrupt end. The only thing being audible were once more the calm rustle of wind blowing through the leaves and the lonely bird singing one last note before taking off, beginning his weeklong route to south. Then the clouds broke up, and the sun shone exactly at the place where he had embraced her.
A really beautiful day in autumn.

LP, Valentine's Day

my insides all turned to ash / so slow

and blew away as i collapsed / so cold

a black wind took them away / from sight

and held the darkness over day / that night

-

and the clouds above move closer

looking so dissatisfied

but the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

-

i used to be my own protection / but not now

cause my path has lost direction / somehow

a black wind took you away / from sight

and held the darkness over day / that night

-

and the clouds above move closer

looking so dissatisfied

and the ground below grew colder

as they put you down inside

but the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

-

so now you're gone

and i was wrong

i never knew what it was like

to be alone

-

on a valentine's day

la vie immédiate

adieu tristesse

bonjour tristesse

tu es inscrite dans les lignes du plafond

tu es inscrite dans les yeux que j'aime

tu n'es pas tout à fait la misère

car les lèvres les plus pauvres te dénoncent

par un sourire

bonjour tristesse

amour des corps aimables

puissance de l'amour

dont l'amabilité surgit

comme un monstre sans corps

tete désappointée

tristesse beau visage

it's a start...

first of all, i want to dedicate this to joey, the best friend and "oaschal" i've ever had and will ever have. without you, i would not be the person i am now, i wouldn't even have found the strength to go on with my life (and it would be really dull with the others, you know what i mean!). once i found a saying, and i think it's one that fits most:
some people share the changes in your life.
others change the way you live it.
best friends are the ones who do both.