Difficulties

Sometimes life could be so simple, one might think, as I do every day, every hour, and yes, lately every minute. But how come it isn't? Why does everyone want their life to become more uncomplicated and yet never succeed in realizing that? Why do some always have to make it more complicated instead? It doesn't make them any happier, on the contrary, they are wrapping themselves in chains until they can't escape the prison they built for themselves anymore. And when they at last manage to burst all the chains, they hurt everyone they love.
Some want one thing, but they aren't any happier when they've finally gotten it, being plagued by doubts as to whether they've earned it all right. Then they draw the conclusion that they aren't worthy of something or someone. And this hurts both themselves and the person they want.
I know this. One moment they pull you close, and the next they push you away, so far you can't find back together. It hurts like hell to be so close and yet so far apart, to see someone suffering because they deny themselves somone they want but don't think they deserve, to be helpless because nothing you say is a valid argument to them, yes, to be completely lonely, standing in front of a stranger.
If they tell you something about their feelings, you can most surely build on the expectation that on this follows a period of extreme reticence, up to their running away because they are afraid of their feelings, of what you might become together and of the possibility that you end up hurt again.
But this is the thing that hurts the most. And you can do nothing about it.

grouped letters... (i.e. words)

what do we know, actually, besides what's contained on our piece of the world-puzzle?
the answer is: nothing. our knowledge is the size of our piece, we don't know, we can't know anything more than that.
but sometimes you'd want to know about things that go farther than the reach of your piece. you'd want to know what a loved person thinks, more detailed than he or she could ever describe, or what they have experienced in their lives. well, you can never get the whole picture, never know anything completely, except perhaps about yourself.
why? hm, because even if someone wants to tell you about everything they've experienced, everything they think about, they are either limited by language, which sometimes doesn't permit the speaker to say the things as he really wants to, or they leave out some details, which they think are too unimportant to be mentioned or simply have forgotten, but which are, nevertheless, the things you'd need the most.
however, i'd think that it really is for the better that we never get insights like this in another person, even if we think it would allow us to know someone as well as ourselves. it's enough to be troubled by only ourselves, we don't need difficulty in telling who of us is who. which could happen if we knew the other one as we know ourselves. a loss of our own identity...
and wouldn't it be boring if the other one could never surprise us anymore?
you feel me?

technology...

i'm soory but there won't be any posts for a while now, 'cause i'm having problems with my internet access, among several other things. i'll try to get back online as soon as i can...

water...

men...

and other catastrophes. you may know enough about the whole topic, so you won't need me to chew it all up again. i'm pulling a lazy one... ;)

thoughts...

wow, the definition of my blog. actually it's all about thoughts... ok, and impressions... and i admitted i would bring up anything i want, so i'm free in choice...
i won't start with those things like: where do we come from? where do we go? what is it all about?
there are enough people out there wondering about those questions already.
no, i'll take a different approach...
have you ever noticed that, even if you think you know something completely, that in fact you don't? it's like the world in its whole is a puzzle, and each of us is and at the same time holds one piece. hard to imagine? just take a look at the normal family. you and a cousin know your grandparents, but you probably won't know his. and absolutely not his cousins, nor their grandparents. we're all pieces that fit together some way, but we all only know of the others which sides come to rest with ours, and the other way round...
take a little time and think about it

well...

what if...

what if i'd never met you, the day you saw us on the way to we hadn't known yet?
what if we hadn't come with you and your friends?
what if we'd never had the chance to talk?
what if you hadn't noticed my intelligence?
what if we hadn't come to know each other?
what if we hadn't fallen in love?
what if i'd quit after the first crisis?
what if we hadn't started again?
-
i'd still be lonely.
still cold.
still the one on the fringes.
i'd still have no real life, only going through the motions society expects.
still dream of things i'd never expected to happen.
-
i'd still be without you

pink...

uahh, forgive me for saying this, but i hate pink.
NO, not the singer! she's great! the color! i can't understand why there are women who want every damn thing they own to be pink. bright pink. i mean, it hurts your eyes just to look at them. ok, i'm a woman as well, but in my entire closet, there's only one (!) piece in pink. and i couldn't avoid it, either, 'cause it was part of a three-piece set of shirts i bought.
and what's worse, please excuse my whispering, it looks good on me...
hey, all you ladies in pink out there, what about taking a good look at the other colors that exist? there are so damn beautiful shades of them, how about that? i mean, there's red, blue, green, purple, yellow, and so very many shades in between. please do our eyes a favor and try out some of them, for a change!

my soul

with your coming, my life started

i couldn't believe it was finally me

to whom these things happened

for a short time, you felt like heaven

like my destiny, everything i had ever hoped for,

and more

i was so foolish.

now there's a wound in my soul

so deep, so painful,

wanting to tear me apart

but i can't let it show

and i can't let go...

i refuse to be weak

refuse to give up,

myself, and us

refuse to accept loneliness

you made me forget the feeling

at least for a while

our beautiful summer has come to an end

now starts the rain

i'm cold, wet, shivering...

but in spite of all

you're the warmth

that can make the cold go away

the rain stop

and our summer reappear

-

though the wound will leave a scar

that will never vanish from my soul

pfrr...

sorry, nothing new today, i'm far too lazy to think of anything...

No.5

and now, what a surprise, the fifth language i can speak. no one would have guessed which one it was, would they? ok, actually it's the first foreign language i started to learn, and i must say, i like it. it's not as looping and elaborate as french, more fluid and easier to pronounce than german, and more tranquil than spanish, although it's not as comfortable as bavarian, which, for me, anyway, takes first place in the ranking. but it's a close second.
-
this was......... english!!!!!

No. 4

nun folgt ein kleiner post in deutsch, meiner zweiten muttersprache. ich muss aber fast sagen, dass ich jede andere sprache meiner, zugegeben, kleinen und übersichtlichen tabelle bevorzuge. warum? hmm, wahrscheinlich weil sich alle anderen sprachen, die ich kenne, besser anhören und schreiben lassen. deutsch ist einfach umständlich. und darüber hinaus, extrem kompliziert. mir tun all diejenigen leid, die es sich antun, diese sprache zu erlernen. doch gleichzeitig mein aufrichtiger respekt für die, die durchhalten und dann sogar im täglichen leben etwas verstehen können. hut ab!

-

this was german.

No. 3

buenos días!
ahora quiero charlar sobre el tema de las idiomas diferentes. estudio esta lengua desde hace un ano, y por eso puedo decir que conozco el carácter de ella, pero ya tengo algunos problemas con las palabras y la gramática. perdoname, por favor. como he dicho, las idiomas todas tienen cosas en común y cosas que son diferentes. y por eso pienso que son tan interesante para aprender.
-
this was spanish, without certain accents 'cause they're not supported by my keyboard.

No. 2

bonjour, mesdames et messieux!
aujourd'hui, je veux parler de n'importe quoi avec vous, comme je le fais toujours. du coup, je vais écrire toutes les choses dont je pense. pardonnez-moi si je fais des fautes, mais je dois dire que je ne suis plus habituée à parler le francais parce qu'il y a quelque temps que je n'ai pas utilisée cette langue. si vous la connaissez, ne pensez vous pas non plus qu'elle est une très belle langue? à mon avis, elle est vraiment la langue de l'amour...
-
and this was, believe it or not, french

No. 1

yo, wous e lou dou, hou? gell, joey, gfoid dia doch so dermaßen. i schreib iatz in meina echtn muttasprach, so wia i aafgwochsn bi. is eh a wunda, wenn's iangdwer do drausdad vosted. wenn ja, respekt, leid, ia sads guad! find i eh voi interessant, dass se a dialekt so vo da nomalan sprach untascheidn ko, oiso aa fast a eigne sprach is. eh klar, gibts in andane sprachn aa, oba i kenn hoid nua mein fall.
oiso, wenn iangdwea den kaas, den i grod gschrimm hob, vostandn hod, schreibts ma doch an comment, wias dazua kemmts.
guad, sers, bis moang...
-
this was bavarian, my mother tongue

new!!

i'm trying something new now: the next posts will be written in all languages i speak. ok, there aren't too many, but nevertheless, i think it'll be interesting.

boy,...

what to write, what to write...
well, i'll write about writing. to have an idea and simply start typing, looking where i will get you. most of the time, to a completely unexpected place. wow... i think it's amazing what we can do, even if we don't try to at all. or what can come out of just starting something and letting everything flow in as it comes to your mind. kind of that stream-of-consciousness-technique, and it's exactly how i'm writing this post. everything i'm thinking about at the moment. focused, aren't i?

...

whoa, i'm sorry that i haven't posted for quite a time now. there's been sooooo damn much going on, i still can't believe it, and though i try to keep my blog up to date i don't, that means didn't, succeed really. at least not in the past twelve days...
so, i'm going to think, note my impressions, and look around for a little this and that... cu, guys

and on...

She didn’t really realize what she was reading, though. Her thoughts always wandered away to what she had dreamed that night. This dream looked like it was kind of a sequel to the first, the one she had had while under hypnosis. Only this time, her dream man had told her that he, himself, didn’t know how she could be able to help him, and, what was far more strange, he had told her that he wasn’t a dream but real; and that she should watch out in order to find him. She didn’t know what to think about all this. Could she imagine such things? Was it even normal to dream of a person she had never seen, who didn’t look similar to anyone she had met so far and who, in spite of that, stated to be real and to be nearby? She started to believe in earnest that the time was overripe for a meeting with a shrink. Perhaps there was something unconscious buried within her that was the source of these dreams?
At last she pushed these thoughts aside. Brooding would only drive her mad. She would make an appointment with a psychologist and look what that would result in. She needed a free head today, as she had to present a summary of her work of the last six months to her boss. She surely didn’t want a dream to be the reason for ruining her reputation of a high quality worker.
She glanced at her clock, a funny one whose face and pendulum were the shape of sheep. She had enough time to dress and go for a walk with Sian until she would have to drive to the office and do her song and dance for her boss. Then I had better get started.